


Jimbo, the Ultimate Dick

by Grip



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Homestuck 2: Beyond Canon, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-21 11:01:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22559872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grip/pseuds/Grip
Summary: Jimbo is talking to Kanaya about how shit's going down on the good ship, Meatypop.This is a follow up of page 114 of HS^2.
Relationships: Jimbo Strider/Karkat Vantas





	Jimbo, the Ultimate Dick

DAVE: maybe dirk actually did the smartest thing he could  
DAVE: fucking left  
CONSCIENCE: god you are so full of crap  
KANAYA: Perhaps  
KANAYA: But He Did Leave Arguably The Two Worst Possible People In Charge When He Did  
DAVE: man i guess  
DAVE: but who knows maybe jane will turn out to be a great president  
CONSCIENCE: yeah right  
DAVE: maybe without dirks corrupting influence jakes ass will become a symbol of peace and interspecies harmony  
DAVE: at least everyone can agree on something  
DAVE: shit how does this always happen  
DAVE: every serious conversation i have inevitably falls apart into riffing on a casual acquaintances ass  
CONSCIENCE: probably because you dont know how to emote for your life  
KANAYA: Not To Suggest Anything Untoward  
KANAYA: But You Appear To Be The Unifying Component In All Of These Scenarios  
CONSCIENCE: do not fucking enable him  
DAVE: could be  
DAVE: but all that aside i really do think were better off out here  
DAVE: at least i am  
CONSIENCE: hahaha wait are you actually being serious right now

Dave turns to Kanaya and smiles.

CONSIENCE: i reiterate you are so full of crap

Dave ignores it, his concience has been yelling at him for years now. Just... ignore it. Ignore it forever! Your life it great right now!

CONSCIENCE: shut up jimbo  
DAVE: what  
KANAYA: What Is It  
DAVE: nothing  
CONSCIENCE: we both know you lost all rights to be called dave  
CONSCIENCE: fuck it im dave now jimbo  
DAVE: you dont really believe in that shit do you  
DAVE: ever since dirk forced you and karkat together youve just been the biggest douche  
DAVE: you cant ignore it

Jimbo walks out to grab another coffee.

DAVE: oh and you ever think that maybe just maybe youre really no better than dirk  
DAVE: well of course you do but apparently youre too stupid to think like a normal person  
DAVE: which is why i have to keep on telling you this shit over and over  
KARKAT: YEAH. OKAY.  
JIMBO: yeah ok what  
ROXY: pancankes

Jimbo happily eats the pancakes, forcing a huge grin as he turns to Karkat.

DAVE: do you even have any chemistry  
DAVE: that wasnt a rehtorical question  
KARKAT: WHAT.  
JIMBO: your hot  
DAVE: haha what you even said youre wrong  
ROXY: leave the bed speak in the bedroom  
ROXY: u guys are so cute tho  
DAVE: yeah as cute as tax fraud  
KARKAT: RRRGGH! SHUT UP!

Jimbo pauses, thinking "can he hear it too"?

ROXY: u seem distracted dave  
JIMBO: its just my conscience again  
ROXY: u need to get a new one lol  
DAVE: dont listen to moms shit  
DAVE: one day youre going to wake and realize the only person you have a fetish for here is  
JIMBO: aubbh  
DAVE: is  
JIMBO: abbb no no  
DAVE: you cant just block me out forever  
ROXY: is that some weird lovers code  
KARKAT: FUCK YOU, NOT *LITERALLY* EVERYTHING WE DO IS ABOUT US BEING TOGETHER!  
ROXY: soz i just ship u 2 so hard rn  
DAVE: jimbo we need to have a talk in private  
DAVE: forget it i have that other douche to deal with

A long way away, Jimbobot and Aradia fly through the black hole.

DAVE: jimbobot what the actual fuck are you doing  
DAVE: dont just leave jade out there on her own  
JIMBOBOT: who  
DAVE: ultimate dick move  
DAVE: you know what i changed my mind youve been demoted to ultimate dick  
DAVE: why the fuck do you care so much about some dumb prophecy  
DAVE: that other universe saved you from this fate  
ULTIMATE DICKBOT:  
DAVE: you lost all rights to speak too  
DAVE: so what exactly do you plan on doing after you beat dirk  
DAVE: go back to your own universe and act like nothing even happened  
DAVE: or are you going to do something stupid like blow yourself up  
DAVE: i mean did you even think it through even once  
DAVE: no of course you didnt ultimate dickbot  
DAVE: you know after all this you will mean absolutely nothing to anyone  
DAVE: that other jimbo is the main one youre just a backup  
DAVE: that is of course if i can even call that puppet a human  
DAVE: but hey you could always turn back


End file.
